Worming Through 'The Walking Dead': Start to Finish

Rick and Deanna participate in the first Alexandria 5K (Photo by Gene Page/AMC)
Rick and Deanna participate in the first Alexandria 5K (Photo by Gene Page/AMC)

Hey gang, I miiiiight have missed a few episodes there. Whoops! My bad. The thing is, did I really miss that much? No show speeds up to a red light quite like The Walking Dead. Let’s go through the last three episodes all in one craptastic post!

 

Broken Arrow

Why did you have to turn into a big old softie Daryl? Now those random people you helped out went and stole your crossbow. Come on man. You’re better than that. Honestly, I really did not enjoy Daryl Dixon’s side quest action, having nearly blocked it out of my mind entirely. What’s the over/under on the number of episodes it takes for him to get his trusty old crossbow back? Considering the pace of this season, probably 3 years.

But wait, apparently there was a post-credits scene during the last episode showing that the Saviors and Negan captured Daryl, Sasha, and Abraham! That’s what I get for turning it off too early, d’oh. It’s hard to concentrate with Chris Hardwick speaking very quickly and that AMC voiceover guy doing his inferior version of “IN A WORLD…” The damn “Made in Georgia” thing came up, I thought it was over! Well, it looks like it’s time for Negan and the Saviors. I wonder why Daryl and co. didn’t just run through that motorcycle barricade? It probably had something to do with the fact that they were driving around in a big old flammable truck o’ fuel. Logic, schmogic, ram through those suckers like the Duke boys on a bender! Further discussion can be found in the comic nerd section below.

 

Surprise, Surprise, Glenn Survived

You know, I did think that it was awfully suspicious that they didn’t show every inch of Glenn getting torn apart by that zombie army. That kind of subtlety just isn’t The Walking Dead’s thing. Remember how brutal the revolving door death of the guy from Everybody Hates Chris was? Yeah, that’s how they show your demise on this show.

So Glenn somehow was able to sneak away from them there walkers by slithering away under a dumpster while they were too busy devouring the dead carcass of awful Nicholas. Yeah, I’m sure they wouldn’t have even gotten one bite in. Do your job better zombies!

Glenn ends up hanging out with that emo loner girl and dragging her back to Alexandria, just in time to see shit go down. Yay Glenn?

Enid joins Glenn in his wishing tree (Photo by Gene Page/AMC)
Enid joins Glenn in his wishing tree (Photo by Gene Page/AMC)

Morgan vs. Carol

Morgan and Carol fought over that lone Wolf that Morgan captured a few episodes back. You know, the guy with the jacked up teeth? It’s kind of silly. Of course Carol looks 100% right as the guy knocks Morgan out with his own staff. It’s an uphill journey for Morgan as the world of The Walking Dead is mostly human trash with a pinch of legitimately good people.

 

Alexandria Zombie Party

Hahaha I cracked up when I saw the remnants of that tower take down the wall. The Alexandrians are just so terrible that I love when bad shit happens to them.

Ron sucks and was threatening to shoot CORRRRALLLL before the zombie party came tumbling through the walls. Deanna has been losing it and went and got bitten about a dozen times. Little crybaby Sam won’t stop being a stupid little crybaby and is letting ants eat his delicious looking cookie. I would pay upwards of $1.50 for a cookie like that Sammy boy. You need to man up and start acting like a man you little jerk. I certainly wouldn’t poop my pants and cry if faced with a flesh eating monster. Because I’m totally prepared for such a situation because I have no life and have studied way too much about fictional monsters from fictional books. Where am I?

Ah yes, well Alexandria gets flooded with the undead and we spend the rest of the episode with everyone shacking up in Jessie’s house for discussions about the end of the world and all that. Deanna plays a fun “I’m now dead and trying to eat your baby” prank on Rick. It’s actually going relatively well until stupid Ron has to go and ruin everything by picking a fight with Carl. Yeah, there is the population of a city that wants to eat your intestines waiting outside, but your silly teenage feud is more important. Ron almost makes Shane seem logical.

Rick has to pick a plan from the archives with everyone trapped upstairs. It’s everyone’s favorite, the old soak yourself in zombies guts plan! I hope he checked the weather beforehand. I wonder if anyone’s got an old injury that aches when it’s going to rain.

I both can and can’t believe that they ended the last episode before the mid-season break (I also can’t believe that mid-season finales are a thing now) with Sam saying “mom: over and over like a damn Stewie from Family Guy meme. Obviously, this means bad things are going to happen to Rick’s zombie guts poncho plan. It’s not that much of a surprise, what’s Rick’s plan success percentage at now, 35%? 40%?

 

Comic Readers Nerdathon SPOILER Section

Hawkguy Spoilers

Yes, that’s the dreaded word SPOILER above, so you know what’s what.

Ok so the Saviors are not the Wolves. And the Wolves weren’t the people that tried to eat people from last season even though that’s what the group was called in the comics. OK. It’s good to be clear on all of the groups involved here. Especially because they all look exactly the same on The Walking Dead.

Glenn being alive of course opens the door back up for the season 6 finale introducing Negan and his good pal Lucille just like they were in the source material.

Now, regarding Alexandria, we all know how this ends in the comics. Carl’s injury is a grisly one. I can’t imagine they’ll go to the lengths of the comic, where he basically got a giant hole blown through his head. Still, I’d be surprised if wasn’t at least pretty nasty. It just ends up getting covered up by bandages anyway, it’s fine! It is possible that the show pulls the old switcheroo and has someone like Ron get shot instead, but that would be stupid.

 

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