- “This is the ride that killed Billy.” – said in line at every amusement park ride.
- Just read an article about the dangers of fatty foods that really scared me so I’m making a life changing decision…no more reading!
- It’s bad luck to see your bride before the wedding. It’s not so great luck to see her after the wedding either. Never look at your wife!
- It’s great that most bars are so loud that you can just walk around farting all of the time.
- Pot is the gateway drug to eating an entire bag of Doritos.
- Early on in a Zombie Apocalypse, a common mistake is getting bit because you thought your friend was just screwing around.
- Living well is the best revenge, but rubbing their cell phone on your butthole is a close second.
- Most people don’t like being told what to do unless they are naked.
- I remember my first crush. I was trying to climb a bookcase and it fell on top of me.