Life Hacks: Midsummer Night's Nightmare


Dog ate cat?

  • Why, when my kids want me to do something with them and I don’t feel like it, does “Cat’s in the Cradle” begin to play in my head?
  • When I die, I want people to say of me, “Man, he sure owed me a lot of money!”
  • Every relationship contains at least 1 crazy person. Just make sure the crazy one is you.
  • Studies show that Americans are 60% worse at geography than the country that’s right on top of us like our hat.
  • I hate when I run out of toilet paper in a public stall and I have to ask the guy next to me to come wipe me.
  • 12 years of school and some college and I’m still never sure if it’s “grey” or “gray”.
  • If you ever get screwed over by a landscaper, a great prank would be to do a crappy job mowing your lawn and then put their sign up to advertise.
  • Since the United States Women’s Soccer team managed to win the World Cup, the entire world should have to now call it soccer.
  • I was in a band called “Missing Cat”. We just didn’t have the money or ambition to post our own flyers.



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