Jurassic World is out this week and it sure seems like it’s something. As you debate whether or not to plunk down $10 to see Chris Pratt lead a pack of velociraptors on a special ops mission to take down a super mega dinosaur, consider my proposal for the next movie in the Jurassic Park series: Jurassic Universe.
Yes, Universe. We’ve done everything we can with dinosaurs on Earth, from having them ravage downtown San Diego to creating our own godless abominations from scratch. It’s time to look to the stars.
Now you might be saying, “Steve, dinosaurs in space makes absolutely zero sense.” You’re not wrong. Or does it make too much sense?
Jurassic Universe is set a few years in the future. A Richard Branson type millionaire has just finished constructing his own dinosaur space park. Tourists have to pay half-a-million just to get on the waiting list. The “Stars and Scales Tour” will have the dinosaurs placed in their own self-contained environments in a gigantic space station. If they escape, well, the endless vacuum of space will take care of them. We’ll bring back Chris Pratt if he survives Jurassic World. But this time, his raptors are the bad guys.
See, the raptors have always been the most intelligent creatures in the Jurassic Park universe. This time around, they’ve achieved super-villain intelligence and plot to take over the space station as a group. Think Hans Gruber as a raptor and you’re getting it.
Then at some point a T-Rex swallows an astronaut or a spaceship or something. And what if the dinosaurs adapt to the harsh conditions of space and can float around and breathe! Or maybe the T-Rex gets a giant space helmet! Yeah!
The tagline: In space, no one can hear you roar.
Now I require a budget of $200 million and access to a private shuttle. No, stop, wait, don’t walk away. This is my dream!