- I want to be just famous enough to judge food challenges.
- Cheetos could have chosen any shape for their snack food product yet they went with “Medium sized turd”.
- I tried to win a Strongman Competition by saying that a true man of strength doesn’t need to prove his superiority to others but no, you actually have to lift heavy stuff.
- The only way I’m getting a 300 in bowling is if they start weighing people before renting shoes.
- No YOU’RE in your room making a s’mores over a candle!
- If I were friends with Adam Sandler, I’d have been in at least 20 movies by now.
- I just “Ugly Yawned” in front of some strangers.
- It should be socially acceptable to throw a breath mint into someone’s mouth.
- No one can tell you’re crying if you’re standing in the rain. And if there’s thunder, feel free to blast a few farts.