Sooooo, about that last Game of Thrones: High Sparrow

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It'll all be fine, Sansa! Trust me, the least trustworthy man in Westeros! (Image via HBO)
It’ll all be fine, Sansa! Trust me, the least trustworthy man in Westeros! (Image via HBO)

Stark Legacy

What will you do to move on? Will you try and hold on to the life you had? Are you willing to throw it all away? Can you move on from the crimes that have been committed against you and yours? That’s what the remaining Stark children need to decide.

Arya’s been whispering the names of those that have wronged the Starks. The urge for revenge got her to the House of Black and White. However, she needs to throw away her past to advance beyond sweeping the same room day after day. She’s willing to part with Arya Stark’s clothes and name, but she just can’t part with Needle. It’s a reminder of Jon, Syrio, and all the blood she’s spilled since her father lost his head. Arya might be on the path fate has laid out for her. Arya might want to move on and become a supernatural assassin. But she just can’t throw away who she is.

Likewise, Jon can’t forget the lessons of his father. Stannis wants him to march south and take back his home. Jon is the Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch now, though. He can’t be fighting for a King instead of fighting for the preservation of the Wall. Yet, when Janos Slynt voices his dissent, Jon needs to take care of business. It all goes back to that first episode, where Ned Stark beheads a deserter from the Night’s Watch. “The man who passes the sentence should swing the sword.” Jon swings it and shows Stannis what kind of man he is.

Sansa, in her life of constant sorrow, finds herself in yet another shitty situation. However, this one is a mixed bag. She can reclaim Winterfell for the Starks, but she’ll have to wed the son of the man who stuck a knife into her brother’s heart. Sansa can walk away from it all. Forget Winterfell, forget Sansa Stark. She just can’t do it. She can’t forget the family she’s lost. Maybe Sansa can make up for everything that’s happened by doing this one thing.

It sure would be something if all these attempts to honor their parents legacy led the Stark children into conflict with one another.

 

Winterflay

Yes, that’s right, Littlefinger and Roose Bolton got together and decided to wed Ramsay and Sansa to secure the North. Pretty, pretty, pretty gross. Roose decided it’s finally time for Ramsay to settle down and learn that there’s more to life than flaying fools and torturing guys until they’re your man servant for life. The main thing Roose Bolton needs at this point is the Stark name. Shockingly, the North is appalled by his choice to gut their proclaimed King at a wedding reception. The Boltons are barely hanging on with Tywin Lannister laying six feet under.

Even with Sansa back home, things don’t seem secure for the Boltons. Reek knows about Sansa, but she doesn’t know about Reek. Brienne is out in the hills, waiting for her chance to strike. There’s Stannis with his big ass army that no one outside of the Night’s Watch seems to know about. He should be coming their way any episode now. But Brienne wants to take out Stannis! The North got very interesting, very quickly.

 

Sparrows and Lions and Roses

Cersei is super salty. Without Tommen, who is she going to take to Motherboy XXXV!? Margaery Tyrell is finally queen after the quietest and most successful wedding in the history of Westeros. Cersei is just the King’s mom now, and she isn’t standing for that shit. Bitch wanna step up on Cersei? HELL NO. She’s not going to Casterly Rock. King’s Landing is Cersei’s, and you’re going to have to pry it from her cold, dead fingers.

It looks like Tommen is too busy getting laid 14 times a day to attend his staff meetings, so Cersei has that going for her. She meets with the High Sparrow, the leader of an extreme religious group that her alternate familial choice for lovemaking has joined. I’m sure we’ll be reminded of this meeting in 3 or 4 episodes when it’ll be a key plot point.

Oh hey, the Mountain moved. That’s fun.

 

Volantis

Tyrion is really tired of riding around in boxes. He’s a wanted man, but he’s never exactly been known for his caution. He finally wears Varys down so that the two of them can galavant through Voltantis. We all know Tyrion just wanted to check out some foreign ladies. Despite the proliferation of Daenerys Targaryen whores in the brothel, Tyrion just can’t do it. Since the last time he had sex, Tyrion has watched his nephew choke to death, seen Oberyn Martell’s head smashed into 5 billion pieces, and shot his father on the crapper with an arrow. What really sticks with him is choking the love of his life out with the very necklace he wore when he was at his happiest. No, this really isn’t the right time for a lovely dark-haired prostitute. It’s a great time to piss over a ledge, one of the great joys in life for men.

Wait, what’s that? My gawd, that’s Ser Jorah Mormont’s music (which I imagine is The Cure or Morrisey)! Ser Jorah has been moping around Essos since Dany banished him. This is finally his chance to get back into his precious Khaleesi’s good graces. This is why you always listen to Varys!

 

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