- 2 breakfast sandwiches at Wawa for $3 never means 1 for $1.50. NEVER!
- Hey, if any of you out there have a voodoo doll of me, please itch its butt. My rear itches and I’m in public. Thanks.
- One of the most compelling games of chance at a casino is opening a bathroom stall door at the buffet without first checking for feet.
- The first time you give the finger to an annoying house cat may seem awkward but stick with it. It’s worth it.
- If someone ever tells me to write an uppercase Q in cursive at gunpoint, tell my family I loved them.
- My neighbor knocked on my door to complain about all the loud sex I was having the night before. I was too embarrassed to tell him that I was alone with a deep dish pizza.
- That awkward moment, when you muster up the courage to take the last mozzarella stick and someone at the table asks, ” Sir, who are you?”
- I do all of this for the giggles. Not sure why anyone does things for the shits.