One Friday, I told a joke to some friends and it died. 3 days later, I told the same joke to another group of friends and it was a hit. Coincidence? I think not. Thank you Grown up Jesus!
- Nice try Pepperidge Farm but those paper cookie dividers don’t slow me down in the slightest!
- Why does everything look unnecessarily dry when I’m holding a water balloon?
- There is no question you can ask yourself more disturbing than, ” Did the cab driver just fart?”
- Home Decor hack for millennials: Red Wine colored carpets.
- Stepping on soap suds in the shower, is the closest I’ve come to washing my feet in over a decade.
- I pray that I never outgrow the ability to pretend I’m smoking a cigar when eating Pretzel Sticks.
- Did you ever end a call to a pizza place with, “Bye bye! Love you!” by accident? Awkward!
- If Axe worked like it boasts in commercials, I’d have fathered a lot more children.
- Do you think Anne Geddes will come and photograph a poop I’m particularly proud of?
- They call these “Peeps” because I can quietly eat them while I peep on the ladies.