Star Wars Episode VII Will Be Called 'The Force Awakens' and That May or May Not Mean Stuff

The Force Awakens

Every little rumor regarding J.J. Abrams’ Star Wars Episode VII has been written about exhaustively. Every photo and prop has been analyzed and scrutinized. Hey there, that’s the Batmobile on the bottom of the Millennium Falcon! Kind of. I guess. OK. Some guy who once served JJ Abrams a cup of coffee told me that Yoda is going to make a mid-credits appearance doing a karaoke performance of Queen’s Princes of the Universe.

Yet, we still haven’t been given a title. Will this finally be the Revenge of the Jedi? Perhaps it would make a reference to the older cast’s ages and be Star Wars Episode VII: LMAO Our Cast Has Old People. Disney went the Batman route and named it The Force Awakens.

The internet has been abuzz with sleeping jokes, but there is a time and a place for that. That place is Twitter. Blog posts are meant for classier humor, typically involving rectal gas. The Force Awakens implies that it’s been dormant. Did the Emperor and Darth Vader’s deaths put the Force all out of whack? Perhaps, the Force decided to take some time off, get to know its family a little better. Again, it’s all speculation until we see a trailer or synopsis or something.

However, there is one bit of info that I am dying to get an answer on. Will this movie actually feature a light-broadsword and what idiot thought that it would be a good idea??? Your grip would slip and you’d burn your damn hands! Why yes, this is all I think about all day, why do you ask?

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