An Ode to Michael Myers at His Most Absurd

John Carpenter’s Halloween is undoubtedly a horror classic. The series after that…not so much. The Halloween series has always had a strange humor to it, mostly found in Michael Myers head tilt or pretending to be someone’s boyfriend under a sheet while wearing his glasses.

Oh Michael, you scamp (pic via
Oh Michael, you scamp (pic via

There’s a moment at the beginning of Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers that cracks me up every time. I noticed it one Halloween as AMC showed their strange combo of parts 4 and 5 on the actual holiday. 4 and 5 revolve around Myers chasing down his niece, Jamie. 4 is so different from the other Halloween flicks in that the town is actually kind of ready for the threat of Myers. Kind of. There’s still a whole bunch of murders. But the film culminates in Myers being hunted to the edge of town and confronted by a whole bunch of cops, who blow him away.

Halloween 5 sheriff shotgun

Myers falls backwards into a well or mine shaft or some garbage as the ground collapses. But these cops are much smarter than most movie police. They actually some god damn dynamite down after him. Somehow, Myers finds a hole and escapes into a nearby river.

Halloween 5 Myers River

A disoriented Myers then just chills, like he’s riding on the god damn lazy river at a water park.

Just get this man a drink with an umbrella in it
Just get this man a drink with an umbrella in it

Myers washes ashore, where he finds an old man living in a hut with a bird. The old man takes Myers in, where the Shatner-masked killer lays comatose for a year. This guy has just been taking care of this random comatose man in his mysterious hut for a whole year. A YEAR.

Myers naturally wakes up just in time for Halloween, because he just loves candy and murder too much to miss it. He repays the man for taking care of him the only way he knows how – by killing him. He was probably just upset about having to sleep on this weird stone bed for a year.

Stone bed Halloween 5

It’s my favorite weird moment in a series that would later have a movie that revolved around Michael Myers slaughtering a reality show featuring Busta Rhymes. Oh, and Busta Rhymes fist fights and electrocutes Michael Myers. Yeah.

You can watch the entire Halloween 5 intro below if you’re as easily amused as I am.

19 Comments Add yours

  1. Geoff Mang says:

    Halloween III: Season of the Witch, as a stand alone movie, is a good bad horror movie. I forced people to watch it this last weekend.


    1. Estebomb says:

      I need to give that big old bag of crazy a shot sometime.


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