Justice League, Assemble! Breaking Down DC's Upcoming Movie Slate

Warner Bros. came out and dumped their entire slate of DC Comics movies through 2020 on the table, much like GOB Bluth doing a penny trick.

 

 

There’s no Batfleck solo movie yet, but that could change if people respond well to him in Batman Sues Superman. Let’s look at what we have here. I will be measuring my anticipation level in Bizarros, so I can make as little sense as possible. 5 Bizzaros means me am not excited for film, while 1 means me am love film lots! Or, wait, the other way around…Huh?

 

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice

Due to premiere in 2016, Batman v Superman is still a dumb friggin title. Old Batman fights Superman and then they fight Mark Zuckerberg. And Wonder Woman shows up at some point, but her name would have made the title too long.

Anticipation level: 

 Bizarro-animatedBizarro-animatedBizarro-animated

Suicide Squad

The most exciting film of the bunch, Suicide Squad is coming in 2016 from director David Ayer, director of the new WWII tank movie starring Brad Pitt that is not Inglorious Basterds. There’s talks of casting a-list stars and all that crap, but Suicide Squad is a film for b-movie characters actors. Super-powered criminals being thrown on missions that they’re unlikely to come back from by the U.S. government? Yeah buddy! Load this sucker up with some dark humor and I am absolutely there.

Anticipation level: 

Bizarro-animatedBizarro-animatedBizarro-animatedBizarro-animatedBizarro-animated

Wonder Woman

Oh hey, they are going to make that Wonder Woman movie after all! WW is a nut that even Joss Whedon couldn’t crack, so this project is all kinds of worrisome. I want it to succeed.  But I’m not sure Warner Bros and DC have the right people in line to make that happen. Do you feel the pressure to get the character just right, Gal Gadot? Is that even your real name? Gal Gadot is more of a superhero alias than Diana Prince.

Anticipation level: 

Bizarro-animatedBizarro-animated

Justice League

Marvel will have had two Avengers flicks in the can by the time the Justice League movie even comes out in 2017. Justice League is the core movie for WB/DC. If this doesn’t connect, then they’re screwed. It’ll probably make a boatload of money, regardless of quality. Zack Snyder is on board for both Justice League and its sequel, which sadly won’t be Justice League International and feature Batfleck punching out a bowl cut Guy Gardner.

Anticipation level: 4 Bizarro copies of The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen

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The Flash

The Flash might be the first straight up fun movie of this entire slate. The new Flash TV show is receiving positive reviews and favorable ratings. Of course, this won’t have anything to do with that show. It’s all pretty weird.

This Flash will be played by Ezra Miller, from The Perks of Being a Wallflower and apparently something called Cakey! The Cake from Outer Space. Miller’s casting has received a good amount of praise, and thankfully almost no “Better than Ezra” jokes. Let’s just hope that DC doesn’t try to make it a super serious movie about the world’s fastest man.

Anticipation level:

Bizarro-animatedBizarro-animatedBizarro-animated

Aquaman

Jason Momoa denied he was playing Aquaman for months until it was revealed that he is, in fact, playing Aquaman. Momoa is best known for playing Khol Drogo on Game of Thrones, a role that required him to ride horses, beat his chest, and pour molten gold over someone’s head. He doesn’t exactly look like the traditional comics Aquaman, so much so that a Google search resulted in a Reddit link with a picture of Marvel’s Sub-Mariner next to it.

 Aqua Mariner

Momoa indicates that they’re going for more of a savage, angry underwater hero. I’m not sure how a whole Aquaman movie could play out, but I’m willing to bet it’ll be heavy on the CGI. Is it too much to ask for a simple recreation of this cover?

Anticipation level: 

Bizarro-animated

Shazam!

I’ve never been a Shazam! fan. He’s a little kid who turns into a superheroic adult! I can see how it could be a fun story, but it’s just never particularly appealed to me. Shazam! sure seems like it could be WB/DC’s family friendly franchise. Who knows, though? The only thing we do know about this is that The Rock is playing Black Adam. Black Adam rules some fictional middle eastern country or something and sometimes he’s bad and sometimes he’s good. Terrific.

Anticipation level: 

Half Bizarro

Justice League 2

Bigger threats, bigger action, you know the drill. More Zack Snyder. JOY. Coming in 2019.

Anticipation level: 

Bizarro-animatedBizarro-animatedHalf Bizarro

Cyborg

2020 brings us a lesser known DC hero: Cyborg. It’s a big deal because it’s a black hero in a solo film that won’t be played by Shaq. I dunno, it could be cool. Cyborg is a half machine dude with lasers and stuff. That’s always fun.

Anticipation level:

Bizarro-animatedBizarro-animatedBizarro-animated

Green Lantern

WB/DC is hoping the technology exists for mass mind wipes by the time their new Green Lantern rolls around in 2020. It very well could! The Ryan Reynolds Lantern film is one of the most painful viewings experiences you’ll ever endure. It’s a character with a ton of potential. They should probably just rip off Guardians of the Galaxy, which was a ton of fun and set almost entirely in space with weird creatures and worlds.

Anticipation level:

 

 

There’s your confusing, sarcastic rundown of DC’s film slate. That doesn’t include the solo Superman and old Batfleck movies that we’ll probably get in a couple of years also. What are you excited for? Will DC allow humor and fun into their movies again? Can I come up with a better rating system than Bizarros? We shall find out all in due time.

 

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