Let’s distill the news that came from ESPN Radio yesterday:
- Johnny Manziel kept sliding down the NFL draft board
- The Cleveland Browns, who have an awesome history of drafting quarterbacks, were interested in Johnny Football.
- Dowell Loggains, the Browns’ head coach received a text from Manziel that said “I wish you guys would come get me. Hurry up and draft me because I want to be there. I want to wreck this league together.”
- Loggains was all like, “He likes us too!” and gushingly shared the news with the team’s majority owner, Jimmy Haslam.
- Haslam giddy gave Loggains the green light to pass Manziel a “Will U B mine?” note.
- They lived happily ever after.
Given these circumstances, I believe that the Browns need to hire an outside consultant who can work remotely for a ridiculous salary on his own time. Sooo… hurry up and hire me because I want to stay here and get rich. I want to wreck this league together.